My desires make me feel alive.

My desires make me feel alive.  I have repeated this to myself this morning and it is true. The desire I have had to achieve my goals has made me more alive than I have ever been.

 Four years ago the thought of working, going to school and running a business was so far out of my mind.  I came up with so many reasons why I could not achieve these goals.  I thought I did not have enough time. I did not have enough money. I kept saying I wanted to enjoy my life.  None of this was true. I could make the time. I could borrow, get scholarships or grants to pay for school. Achieving these goals has made me not only enjoy my life but I am living my life.  I realized that I am more resilient than I ever thought.  These excuses halted my desire.

I am by no means perfect.  I still have material desires.  Nevertheless these material desires come into my mind and leave just as quickly. I think them over and talk myself out of them.  Yes, I would love to have a Dodge Hellcat. The reality of that desire is that it is not practical in my life.  Gas mileage is horrible and face it in Houston we have to drive to get anywhere. I would be afraid to take it anywhere because I would want to fight the person that scratched it. I could not fit my massage table and supplies in it.  So really not practical for my life or for my budget. Unless I win the lottery.  Then the question is how would it make me feel?  Sure I love fast cars.  However, it would not help with my goals and accomplishments.  I am almost 50.  Education, working hard and having my own business have brought life to me.  I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several years ago and was told that I would hurt every day.  Doing all these things I was told that I could not do, brought life and healing.  I am not in bed like I was four years ago. I am in almost constant motion.  I have some pain but am medication free.  These desires have done more for making me feel so alive and well.  I think I really do not have the time to feel pain.  I am so busy working for my goals and desires.  I am happy and free.